The Struggles

Two weeks ago I wrote about my fears. I wrote about my fear of cats, and how when someone told me that they are actually a good thing it changed my perspective. And thus my fear. I wrote about my fear of inaction. And how taking action cures - and alienates the fear. And I wrote about my fear of failing and how I'd remind myself of all the good things that are done all the promises that I've kept to myself and to others and it helps me to push forward. This week I want to address 3 of the things I struggle daily with. I feel that struggling with something is harder sometimes than failing at something. When I fail at something I can pick myself up and learn the lesson and move on. Struggles are daily tests. Sometimes I win and sometimes I don't. Time is a big issue for me. Ever since my birth (my mother constantly and consistently reminds me how hot it was, how late I was, and how heavy I was.) I feel like I am playing a perverse game of catch-up. Catching with events, programs, and people and just catching up with life, leave me at times pausing to catch my breath. And while I am always late I can not stand when people are late and "don't respect me and my time enough to show up on time" the irony is not lost on me. I do keep my watch 15 minutes fast on purpose and google with its incessant desire to keep me constantly updated and informed is a big help. I simply try to write everything down in Google's calendar and my life has become a lot more simpler and effective. However, the problems arise when: A) I don't write things down B) don't take my phone or my computer with me C) my phone is not charged D) Google crashes E) I either get hacked or I can't remember my passwords So the system while in theory makes my life easier it is not foolproof. And I still struggle. I would love to hear your tips for using time in a more effective and efficient way. The next thing I struggle with is once I decide to do something - to keep doing it on a consistent basis. Ie to keep me on a schedule. This can be and is almost everything. Diet, exercise, learning, planning, creating, marketing, doing admin tasks, making Shabbat, doing homework, checking lice- (that one I look for ways to get out of- and then pay the price dearly). I have learned that if I create a point system for myself it is easier to keep myself on course. I honestly find it easier to keep myself on track with systems and structures. I can see some of you nodding along. Of course you idiot. What did you think? 🤔 But As a creative soul I tend to balk and blanch at the words "systems and structures". However, there is no real way to get around it or to say it nicely. Systems and structures WORK! The more systems and structures I have in place the more I work. The more I function. I am more effective and efficient and I become a nicer and all-around more relaxed and better person. So it is to my benefit to create systems and structures, and it is to my benefit to actualize these systems and structures. ...And this is where my third struggle comes into play. Once I have the systems and structures in place which in and of itself is a huge victory for me, I struggle to keep myself motivated and on track. I tend to lose my focus., My clarity, my sense of time, direction, and purpose. in addition to my wallet, my glasses, and my water bottle. (notice how I didn't say my keys. I never lose my keys because I don't have any. Those have already been lost for many years:) ) When I needed to be focused and motivated and on track with deadlines I found that when I was accountable to somebody else other than myself I did a lot better. Accountability buddies or accountability groups are the best way to keep me well.... accountable and motivated. I still struggle with motivation especially long term and especially when I don't have an accountability partner like now....(who wants to be my accountability buddy?) And I'm writing these in-depth and hard blogs to keep myself motivated and in tune with myself and with you. Just writing it out is helpful to me. I hope it helps you as well.